Life isn’t perfect and neither am I! But I’ve learned something over the past three years that hard work and perseverance doesn’t always get you what you want but it gets you to where you need to be. It’s that I refuse to live with regret and to let my own fear of failure to keep me from pursuing my dreams. I decided three years ago to reevaluate my life from my weight to how I allow people to treat me and it’s been a hard journey but I’m still moving on the path of being a better me.
My doctor three years ago put the fear of God in me … well not God but obesity and all the negative health issues that entails. She told me that I was bordering on becoming morbidly obese if I didn’t do something about it and she went over what that meant as far as my body becoming a prison. I looked at myself and admitted to how unhappy I was with my body so made the conscious effort to change. I won’t lie it’s been a hard journey to change my relationship with food and exercise. The first step was realizing that I’m not on a diet since that’s a band aid or short term fix. No I’m changing my lifestyle and that it’s something I’ll have to work on but it’s for the right reasons. It’s not to look like a super model but to get healthy, be confident, like the way I look and to feel good about myself. If the new body attracts a man well that’s going to be a plus but not the reward. I’m doing this for ME!
It’s been a tough two years with losing my job at CSMC and trying to establish a new career path working full time for myself. After trying to get my business of the ground and educating myself on social media marketing I realize that my dream of being an entrepreneur is one that is going to have to be PT that instead I’m going to focus on finding a FT job in the field. I’ll simply keep my social media community management PT in my spare time like I’ve been doing the past six years.
I don’t want to say how long it’s been since I’ve had a happy relationship but it’s been a long time of my sacrificing way too much to have a man. When I say a man I mean a male who’s pretty much a peter pan but without the ability to fly! The past two years I’ve been working on me. I realized that my being ‘easy going’ permeated all facets of my life and that people took it to mean that I’m a doormat. It took a while but I realize not only do I want the same respect, courtesy and friendship I bestow on others but that I DESERVE it so I have a much smaller circle of friends than I’ve had in the past. I’m OK with that since I don’t want to twist myself up into knots for friends or even the man I date since they should like me as I am not despite my flaws but because my flaws and quirks are what make me .. me! So now I’m hoping to meet a great guy who will like me as I am (fat but losing weight, short curly hair that I don’t plan to relax, not a BMW driving baller chick) just an average woman who’s doing the best she can with what life throws at her! Never again will I have someone in my life who thinks of me as less than them since I’m not as pretty or successful no I’m all about relationships that add value to both our lives.
So for me these are the bedrock of my life a faith that good friends, love, health and career are what I’m working towards to create a circle that represents me. A good job that I enjoy. Feeling happy and confident with my fit body. Surrounded by true friends. This may not be the resolution that your seeking to fulfill or live by but it’s what I’m on the path to attain.